College ramblings

Disclaimer: I didn't write any of this. It was all my evil twin's doing. And dont ask me, I dont know where he is to be found.


I am generally a very tolerant person.
Well, not very I guess, but tolerant enough. I can put up with many of the blatantly unfair things in life. Like the fact that I am saddled with Pokey for my lab partner. Or the fact that while so many people are dumb (literally) in the world, this guy can never quite keep his mouth shut (or his nose out of other people's business-you only have to look at it to see that its been in all kinds of places). And I dont see why people had to choose the word dumb to refer to a lack of intellect; more often than not, the truly dumb (read idiotic) people are the ones who talk when they should have kept their mouth shut. Witness Gubaldo: he is the perfect specimen of the group dumbus yetspeakalotus. If only he kept his mouth shut (that is remained quite literally dumb) during any one of the famous lightning strikes at college, there wouldn't be a bunch of people who now believe that the word dumb is synonymous with a certain half Tam, half Punjbi half alien creature who relishes belting himself (for more details, check out his blog. No one can belt him quite as well as he does it himself; and thats not because the rest of us haven't tried). "Lightning never strikes the same place twice right? And its always 300m! according to Gubaldo. So if we can get Gubaldo to stay in the same place, there would be no more lightning! So no more forest fires! Jagaran would absolutely love that!" concluded PonkIE displaying his well documented dasa brains and reasoning skills and running vaguely towards final block to convey his new brainstorm to some arbit final year members of the club (whose existence has still not been proved leading to speculation that they might be a figment of PonkIE's fertile imagination. Experts on PonkIE have ruled this out, however, on the grounds that PonkIE has no imagination, fertile or otherwise).
Coming back to the issue at hand, I always seem to end up with the most wierd people for lab partners. First it was Vattal, who, if you remeber was building a bot to give him proxy. His current project is to build another bot that can go on dates for him, leaving him with more time to, err..build bots. On hearing this, Vattal's bitch promptly dissolved into tears for a whole night, according to (highly un)reliable sources (who else? pokey, of course). After that, as a worthy successor to him, was Gubaldo, whose very name makes any further comment superfluous. Then, when I was labouring under the blissfully ignorant delusion that it couldn't get any worse, pokey decided to join the club.
People who haven't met pokey would hardly believe that he is real until they do meet him, and then they would harly believe what was happening to them was real. Reports have it that, in the late 15th century, the Spanish Inquisition practiced a very dreadful and potent torture method reserved for the most vehement heretics and blasphemers, that involved spending one full hour in the company of pokey. There is no documented evidence of any survivors. Some modern correction facility authorities maintain that nothing is more terrible than solitude and the best way to break a man is solitary confinement; they obviously haven't even heard of pokey. Anyone would prefer his own company (however bad that might be, like for instance, the case of thatha, which is like the lowest you can get. He is totally sick of himself, which is quite understandable. Which of us wouldn't get sick of a person you have to live with all the time when all the time is, according to the most accurate reports, in the region of a couple of millenia (give or take a decade), and the person is, according to the same reports, a fat, smelly maadu who keeps saying you know what kau said rey?) rather than put up with pokey. In fact, there are reports that claim that dodis, who is well known for his utter insensitivity to most things human (apart from several other, less pleasant subjects), when threatened with being locked up in the same room as pokey, started shivering and almost wet his pants. As opposed to ankit, who, because of the same reason, did indeed go ahead and wet his pants; only he had enough consideration for his room mate (and none for the rest of his wing mates, one of whom is, coincidentally, pokey) to go out and do it in the corridor.
Experts at the Definitely Useless Moronic Buffoons(DUMB) speculate that pokey's present condition might be the result of prolonged exposure to his current roomie sassymogan. Sassymogan (whose favorite movies are My Sassy Girl and The best little whorehouse in Texas) has been labelled as most hazardous by the scientists at DUMB who claim that the maximum time of exposure to sassy, while managing to escape, not quite unhurt, but atleast without suffering from irrepairable mental trauma is 12 mins (make that 2 mins, if the subject is discussing the virtues of Douglas Adams over Anakin's light saber). Famous local punk, 'hotshot' completely agreed and started mumbling and moving his hands in what he thought was a realistic imitation of sassymogan, and when the author didn't find it very humorous, he promptly erupted into the avatar state.
Kbax (making his first appearance on this blog) when asked for his views started off with "Illada, athu eppadi naa.......". The author fell asleep before he completed the sentence, let alone his views. Many have noticed the striking similarities between Kbax and kini, in the sense that both of them talk for an awful lot of time, while neither seems to have anything to say. However, unlike kini, Kbax doesnt say arre yaar every next sentence (though he does end every one of them with an ax), doesn't have hair the shade of metallic grey, and also has never been caught extolling the praises of linux over any other platform ( "Over platform 9 and 3/4 as well? Lewl...I am so phunny", interjected GCG spokesman Adi).
"Serves you right for making fun of me in the last post! Pokey is a go*d send! Oh my go*d! Did I just say Go*d again?..." said NV, as he tried to run away from a certain bespectacled comp science student who wanted to crucify him upside down for his 'ungodly' comments.
On a different note, I am amazed at the intense mood of denial that seems to have gripped the college. Most people seem to be in denial mode concerning something or the other. Some examples:
Adi, the past master of denials, tops the list, with his eternal favorites "I am not gay!" "I am not chinese!" "I am not fat!" "In fact, I am not." The New Darwinism school claims that Adi is the next step in human evolution. In anticipation of his getting into NITK, and eventually to make up for the absolute lack of hot chicks there, natural selection caused him to be he first human to be born gay. "Its a case of survival of the fattest! I am still so phunnnny!" said Adi, continuing to deny the complete unfuniness of his pseudo-jokes.
"Dude, I am not mind-fucked! And I didn't pee in the corridor", was Ankit's vehement denial of plain truth as spotted live by the local Gandhian Pom (another debutant here). "This is what the social degradation of modern society leads to. Btw, I totally deny that Gandhi is dead!", Pom said.
"Adi isn't gay and neither are my shirts!" exclaimed Abishek, sporting a violently violet shirt with a V neck and glittering glow-in-the-dark designs.
"Rajinikanth isn't 58 years old!" said an outraged Datta, who thinks the superstar has been 35 for the last two decades. "Ob" substantiated Sakthi, in his typical short but succinct style.
"I dont have any brains at all!" claimed BD, in his typical feverishly excited way...wait, that is quite truthful. Forget that one.
" I dont have any boobs at all!" claimed an as-usual-topless baazi, with his overdeveloped mammary glands bobbing up and down in vigorous agreement.
" I dont belong to GCG. In fact there is no such thing as GCG. Athu eppadi naa....." drones Kbax, occasionally taking a sip from a cup of coffee and interjecting his sentences with the customary ax.
"I do have a life outside of WoW, Fifa and Wheel of Time. And I also like other kinds of music apart from Avril Lavigne. And I dont always generate too much aggro and get everyone killed in raids" said Ari, as he took a moment off from Karazhan, while the shadowbolt he was channeling crit and promptly got him killed.
Pokey, fortunately, wasn't available for comment.

Datta completes full length novel, sends Jonathan Stroud into a state of shock

In a startling development today evening, Datta completed his first actual full length novel in over 12 years, sending ripples of shock throughout the college. It is a well known fact that his previous completed reading, with the single exception of Workshop Practice by Hajra Choudhary, was of Snow White and the Seven Drawfs. According to popular legend, an eight year old Datta,, looking as dark as he is now, completed this book (for the want of a better word) in twenty sittings, reading as many as fifty words each time. Ever since then, he has not attempted to read any other piece of writing that is non academic in nature, always saying, "I am waiting for the movie". It is known that he has been waiting, patiently and dutifully, for movie versions of several masterpieces like The Metamorphosis, The Alchemist, The Old Man and the Sea (which is unfortunately not about Thatha's misadventures at St.Mary's Island but the more famous book by Hemimgway) and The Bible. It is understandable that during this futile wait he resorted to watching colourful telugu movies, and their original tamil versions starring Rajinikanth for as many as forty times, growing into an expert in delivering badly articulated Tamil punch dialogues.

The book that he finished today was not, as many of you are expecting, Tales of Beedle the Bard by J K Rowling. Though it would be much closer to his previous literary conquets, it somehow escaped Datta's eye (understandable, given its size). The book that he did read was Jonathan Stroud's The Amulet of Samarkand, a humour fantasy book, disproving the popular belief that Datta has no sense of humour. (However a school of thought still exits that a sense of humour is the only sense that Datta has, but these have been vehemently denied by him, "I have sixth sense also; a proper dvdrip of it, that too!"). Some reactions to this news:

"Jonathan Stroud should be so proud! Lol..That rhymes! I am so funny", said Gay Chinese and 'Civil' Rights (GCG) spokesperson Adi, collapsing into a fit of mad giggles.
"Nonsense! I expect he read only the footnotes and then claims that he has read the whole book. Btw the footnotes rock! They are the best part of the book. Especially the...blah..blah..blah", said Anish Vijay, well known actors-face-recognition-database expert.
"Oh my GOD !" was local punk/'hotshot' Puts' only response to this news following which he went into the Avatar state scaring away everyone in a 1 km radius around him.
"Oh MY God!" was NV's response, followed by "Shit! Someone beat me to Go*d it! Again!" muttered under his breath.
"300m!" was the Resident Mad Scientist Gubaldo's reaction to no-one-knows-what-or-wants-to. He was last seen wandering in the corridor trying to change his hairstyle and calculate where lightning struck (or was it the value of one knot?) at the same time...not something that you would want people with a weak heart condition to see.
"Whats the big deal rey? You know what Kau said the other day.....", said aged resident no good Thatha, relapsing into his usual way of completing sentences (in the last decade, that is).
"Dude, thats mind-fucking news man!", drawled Ankit using his favorite (and allegedly only) adjective in his vocabulary. "Btw did I miss any exams when I was asleep?"
"Oiii..Oiii..Oiii..Oiii" said local fat ass Bk dispalying his extraodinary lung power and permanently deafening two dogs in Surathkal.
"Dude you dont really have to do any work to claim you are a 'working' member of a club, man", Ponky said, wrongly inferring that the question was about his claims of being a working member of Jaagaran and Genesis, and displaying his extraodinary reasoning skills that won him the debating competition during Crrescendo last year.
Vattal was unavailable for comment as he was busy building bots that could give him proxy during classes. (The writer already has such a bot; it even has a name- Gubaldo)